Oh my god! I didn't update my blog! Today isn't opposite day.

Actually, I did update my blog, and today really isn't opposite day.

Two things for this blog entry. Nothing really about me. On Paris “Filthy Whore” Hilton going to the slammer.

Good riddance, I say. Some people say it was too harsh a crime. Well, here’s what we have. She had her licensed revoked for driving drunk, which was probably lenient in the first place, and then she was caught driving without a license three times! And, finally, on the third time, they decided to lock her ass up. Now, usually, this sentence can be given with parole, or hopes of leaving early for good behavior, but the judge, my hero wanted none of that. He wanted her to serve the whole goddamned thing. And I say, thank Christ we finally have someone who will stand up and fight for what is right: locking up this spoiled, whining cunt. She has been able to get away with whatever she wanted for so long, and I’m not even talking about crimes here, just run-of-the-mill being a dick to people. Well, let’s see how much of a dick she’s being after getting sodomized by a few horny lesbian fists. Eh Paris? You ready for that? No night vision cameras here! Of course, you probably won’t to be able to see what they’re doing to you anyway. And, after she gets out of prison, I hope she gets terminal cancer. That way, we won’t have to put up with her or people who like her, and her final days will be full of her regrets that she wasted her life being a vapid semen-chugging bimbo. And, if you don’t agree with me, you should take a long walk off a short pier. Then, swim back to shore and kill yourself.



On being a fat fuck.

For the full article and all the quotes I used, go to: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/08/health/08fat.html

So the New York times recently had a scientific article about the genetics behind weight gain. It was really interesting. I wonder if they started off with a study…

“The study was rigorous and demanding. It began with an agonizing four weeks of a maintenance diet that assessed the subjects’ metabolism and caloric needs. Then the diet began. The only food permitted was a liquid formula providing 600 calories a day, a regimen that guaranteed they would lose weight. Finally, the subjects spent another four weeks on a diet that maintained them at their new weights, 100 pounds lower than their initial weights, on average.”

So when they were thin, they were happy, right? They didn’t start going completely fucking nuts, did they?

“The Rockefeller subjects also had a psychiatric syndrome, called semi-starvation neurosis, which had been noticed before in people of normal weight who had been starved. They dreamed of food, they fantasized about food or about breaking their diet. They were anxious and depressed; some had thoughts of suicide. They secreted food in their rooms. And they binged.”

But at least none of them got fat again, right?

“Dr. Hirsch [the conductor of the study] says, ‘they all regained.’”

But at least some of them stayed thin, right?

“There were a very few who did not get fat again,”

Sweet!

“but they made staying thin their life’s work, becoming Weight Watchers lecturers, for example, and, always, counting calories and maintaining themselves in a permanent state of starvation.”

Oh fuck my ass and call me a bitch! Jesus Christ! Whatever happened to metabolism? We all know that skinny people have higher metabolisms, so the skinnier you get, the higher your metabolism gets, right? Right?

“Before the diet began, the fat subjects’ metabolism was normal — the number of calories burned per square meter of body surface was no different from that of people who had never been fat. But when they lost weight, they were burning as much as 24 percent fewer calories per square meter of their surface area than the calories consumed by those who were naturally thin.”

Holy fuck that’s surprising! So surprising I think a surprising conclusion has to be reached!

“And that led them to a surprising conclusion: fat people who lost large amounts of weight might look like someone who was never fat, but they were very different. In fact, by every metabolic measurement, they seemed like people who were starving.”

Ok, so getting fat is bad. Once you get fat, you can’t get thin again. Got it. Never get fat. Sweet. Thank god there is no other study that refutes that theory.

“It began with studies that were the inspiration of Dr. Ethan Sims at the University of Vermont, who asked what would happen if thin people who had never had a weight problem deliberately got fat.”

Are you serious?

“His subjects were prisoners at a nearby state prison who volunteered to gain weight. With great difficulty, they succeeded, increasing their weight by 20 percent to 25 percent. But it took them four to six months, eating as much as they could every day. Some consumed 10,000 calories a day, an amount so incredible that it would be hard to believe, were it not for the fact that there were attendants present at each meal who dutifully recorded everything the men ate.

Once the men were fat, their metabolisms increased by 50 percent. They needed more than 2,700 calories per square meter of their body surface to stay fat but needed just 1,800 calories per square meter to maintain their normal weight.

When the study ended, the prisoners had no trouble losing weight. Within months, they were back to normal and effortlessly stayed there.”

Those lucky pieces of shit! But wait, New York Times, what are the implications of this? Are they even clear?

“The implications were clear. There is a reason that fat people cannot stay thin after they diet and that thin people cannot stay fat when they force themselves to gain weight. The body’s metabolism speeds up or slows down to keep weight within a narrow range. Gain weight and the metabolism can as much as double; lose weight and it can slow to half its original speed.”

Fuck! What am I going to do? Wait, there’s more? They did another goddamned study?

“Dr. Stunkard ended up with 540 adults whose average age was 40. They had been adopted when they were very young — 55 percent had been adopted in the first month of life and 90 percent were adopted in the first year of life. His conclusions, published in The New England Journal of Medicine in 1986, were unequivocal. The adoptees were as fat as their biological parents, and how fat they were had no relation to how fat their adoptive parents were.”

So you’re saying that if my adoptive parents were Kate Moss and a Tree Branch (who has been rumored to be canoodling with her), and my real parents were fat bags of shit, I would end up being a fat bag of shit no matter how much wheat grass they starved me on or how much coke they shoved up my nose? But that’s just one study. How can you say that after only one study? I mean, there aren’t any other—

“A few years later, in 1990, Dr. Stunkard published another study in The New England Journal of Medicine, using another classic method of geneticists: investigating twins. This time, he used the Swedish Twin Registry, studying its 93 pairs of identical twins who were reared apart, 154 pairs of identical twins who were reared together, 218 pairs of fraternal twins who were reared apart, and 208 pairs of fraternal twins who were reared together.

The identical twins had nearly identical body mass indexes, whether they had been reared apart or together. There was more variation in the body mass indexes of the fraternal twins, who, like any siblings, share some, but not all, genes.

The researchers concluded that 70 percent of the variation in peoples’ weights may be accounted for by inheritance, a figure that means that weight is more strongly inherited than nearly any other condition, including mental illness, breast cancer or heart disease.”

—studies. Damnit! I guess I am completely helpless when it comes to controlling my weight.

“The results did not mean that people are completely helpless to control their weight, Dr. Stunkard said. But, he said, it did mean that those who tend to be fat will have to constantly battle their genetic inheritance if they want to reach and maintain a significantly lower weight.”

Well, that sucks. At least you guys didn’t draw out any conclusions from this. Wait! No! No more quotes! No more!

“The findings also provided evidence for a phenomenon that scientists like Dr. Hirsch and Dr. Leibel were certain was true — each person has a comfortable weight range to which the body gravitates. The range might span 10 or 20 pounds: someone might be able to weigh 120 to 140 pounds without too much effort. Going much above or much below the natural weight range is difficult, however; the body resists by increasing or decreasing the appetite and changing the metabolism to push the weight back to the range it seeks.”

But, there might be a saving grace! A few days later, the New York Times added a correction to this article. Come on, big money, big money, big money!

“An article in Science Times on Tuesday about the role of genes in weight gain misstated the publication date for an article in the journal Science describing the biological controls over body weight. The article was published in 2003, not 2000.”

Fine! Fine! Ugh. Now, for my take:

There are a few problems with the conclusions from the studies done here.

First of all, given that genetics determins seventy percent of weight problems, should there be a wide-spread obesity epidemic? Shouldn’t there be the same amount of fat people per thin people now that there ever were? Of course, this would only affect people’s weights on a generational scale, which might be more sensitive to diet.

Second of all, what about muscle mass? A guy who weighs 230 pounds of pure fat vs a guy of the same height who works out all the time and weighs 230 pounds of pure fat and pure muscle is going to have a different metabolism than the first guy. What about that, New York Times? Eh? What about that?

Well, either way, I guess I should just keep dieting and doing what I’m doing. Still, it is a disheartening study. Will I ever be able to really be? I already figured that I am going to have to watch my weight for the rest of my life, so what does this change, exactly? I guess nothing. I will still diet and workout ,like a maniac. But now, the little voice in the back of my head will be even louder. The little voice that echoes what Joe Powers told me when I showed him this article:

“Sweet. I guess you were just meant to be a fat fucking piece of worthless shit.” – Joe Powers

Live in peace, Evanites!