Holy Shit, I Updated My Blog Again!

Finally, a goddamned blog update.

Hey everyone! So this is finally it. After days and days of starts and stops on entries, I’m just going to write one to tell you what’s going on, and I don’t care whether or not it’s funny, but at least it’s good to get it out there. You know what I mean? Well, do you? Hello? Is anybody there? Why won’t you answer me? Oh god. This is it. I’m the only one left, aren’t I? I’m the only human being left on earth! The only one! I better start masturbating to repopulate the globe! But no, wait, the others would want what I have. I can’t let them have it. No. I can’t masturbate. I need to castrate! That’s it, I’m doing it! Here it goes! Ow. Ow. Ow! Ow! OW! OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW! Ugh. Good, that’s over. No more balls. Oh wait, I’m in a room at work with other people. Damnit, I did it again!

First, let’s start with the gay man in the dyke bar: that goddamned mass-murder:

Don’t worry, I’m not going to joke about this stuff. It really is a horrible situation. It’s just so strange, that people like BTK or Charles Manson spend their whole lives killing this amount of people, and one asshole just does it in two hours. I don’t get it. Anyway, here are some thoughts.

Some people feel bad for this kid. Let me just say this about Seung-Hui Cho: fuck him. Fuck him right in his ass. I don’t care what he went through, fuck him. Other people are depressed also, and they don’t do this shit. I have no sympathy for this asshole, and based on what I’ve heard, teachers and other students tried to reach out to him. Even in high-school he was only teased minimally, probably much less than I was. What a dick. That being said, he was a troubled, clearly had untreated mental illness, and felt victimized himself. He was still a selfish prick, but to a certain extent, his own story just adds to the tragedy.

Also, it doesn’t matter that he is from South Korea, and I wish that people would stop mentioning it. The only strange thing is that school shootings and mass murders in America are committed by a predominantly white crowd, and an Asian doing this is virtually, if not actually, unheard of. However, once you start saying “he’s Korean! He’s Korean!” you’re just giving a target for the dumbasses in America to hate. And I love Koreans, so I wish people would just forget about it. He’s been in America since he was eight.

As for the school’s response, yeah, they were probably too late in responding, but then again, you need to weigh the options of causing a panic vs. protecting people. Because, if they had just sent out announcements over the loudspeaker, there may have been a panic, there may have been people running through the quads, and maybe Seung would have shot more people. Maybe not. Of course, they did have a double homicide on campus with no suspect, and they didn’t do anything. Furthermore, there was a convict a few months earlier near the campus and they completely shut down the whole thing. But, the bottom line is that they weren’t trying to have anyone get hurt, they were just trying to go about the matter in a way that was the best and smartest, and were probably overwhelmed by the scope of a double homicide in the first place. I’m sure they should have done more, but whatever it is, in hindsight it’s easy to say what they should have done, and it is probably important to have protocols for situations like this, but people must understand that the university did not shoot those students.

Finally, as for gun control laws, there are a few things going on here. First of all, I hate guns, I think they should be very hard to get and very regulated. Of course, I don’t want King George knocking down my door and putting a pistol in my face without any way to protect myself. I do believe that giving the population guns is a surefire way to protect against a militaristic state. That being said, I don’t think gun laws were the problem here. The students in the classrooms were not all wishing they had guns on them, but were forbidden by the university. If guns were as easy to get as say, iPods, I don’t think that even one more student would have had a gun on them. Second of all, Seung, got the guns legally. Don’t forget that. And, if he hadn’t, he would have found a way. When you want to kill a bunch of people that badly and are planning it carefully, not much can stop you from doing it. Third of all, he did it with pistols, not semi-automatic guns, so much of the arguments for gun control are thrown out the window. Seung was a man on a mission, and there was very little that the government could do, short of actually arresting him.

I have been reading about it and thinking about the victims and how they felt, especially during the actual rampage, pretty much non-stop since it happened. I hate being all mushy like this, but my heart truly does go out to them. They were human beings like the rest of us, and they all had stories, futures, loved ones, and dreams. Even Seung was a human being, and had all those same things. Perhaps he will not be awarded a posthumous degree, but it is still sad that he had to add another body to the massacre.

You might want to check out this stuff, because I read it too. The first one is a reconstruction of the events of the day:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/18/AR2007041802824.html?hpid=topnews

http://www.vt.edu/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virginia_Tech_massacre

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6564075.stm

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18143312/

http://virginiatechvictim.com/

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/20/AR2007042000185.html?hpid=topnews

Anyway, it’s a very sad thing and I am trying my hardest not to joke about it. But, after all, I am a comedian.

Shits:

So, I was just in the bathroom. Actually, I was in the bathroom like an hour ago, and then I came back and wrote about it and then my stupid fucking computer shut off and I lost everything I wrote about it and I am unbelievable pissed off about it, because I lagged in saving every two minutes, even though I usually do just that. Actually, this paragraph, except for this sentence, was written yesterday, but I am too much of a lazy fuck to post a blog. Actually, this paragraph, except for this sentence and the last sentence, was written two days ago, and the previous sentence was written yesterday, but I am way too much of a lazy fuck to post my goddamned blog. Fuck! Anyway, I’m sitting in the bathroom, in the farthest stall over of the four stalls—the one closest to the wall—with the other three stalls empty. So, I’m sitting there, minding my own poop-business, when some douche-bag decides to sit right next to me and do his thing, instead of picking one of the other stalls like any sane person would do. Listen, you goddamned moron, when you are in that situation, you put at least a stall between you and the other guy, ok? I don’t need a shit buddy, all right? I don’t need to be looking at your dumbass shoes while you prove to me how you aren’t shy to be crapping right next to another man. Well I am, and I don’t appreciate you bathroom raping me like that.

Finally, my life!

Here we go.

Graducal Schools:

Dear Evanites, I regret to inform you that I have not been accepted for the Fall 2007 Creative Writing program at any of the schools—except for fucking CCNY! And LIU! And maybe Fordham, but they haven’t gotten back to me yet. And, as I said before, I was wait listed at The New School, so they might let me in eventually as well. Sweet Jesus’ Huge Hairy Balls, thank you! I am so grateful! I’m going to grad school! And CCNY has a good program! That’s right! Eat that up, all the schools who didn’t accept me! CCNY believed in me. CCNY saw the potential I had. CCNY wants me to learn, not to have already accomplished! So, I’m not sure which school I want to go to yet, but I am leaning toward CCNY as heavily as I can, much in the way that Michael Jackson leans in the “Smooth Criminal” video. Now, if I could only learn to read and write, I’d be all set. I’ll keep you updated, ok? OK?

Herby-snerbies!

I did it. Last Monday was the last day of habitual smoking for me ever. It may not be the last time I smoke, but it was definitely the last time for at least three months, which is the time it takes to get over an addiction. I will probably have to smoke at my friend’s bachelor party. But I might not. And even if I do, I am not going to be doing it every day. It would be a one time thing every now and then. The bottom line is that I am never going to buy it again, which leaves me more disposable income. You know what that means: whores! Anyway, this means that I have quit basically everything except for drinking, and I do that rarely. Just once every fifteen minutes. As for the weedies, so far, I’m feeling great, and I don’t quite hate everybody yet. But, if last time I quit is any indication, about three weeks from now I will probably be slightly irritable. But for now, I’m fine. So, shut the fuck up!

Little Glasses!

I did it. I got soft contact lenses, which I never thought I could have. I’m even wearing them right now. I think they make me look gay. I think they gave me women’s contacts by accident. After all, they’re called Accuvulvas. The last time I had contacts was ten years ago, and they were RGP contacts. In case you don’t know what that is (and are therefore dumb, because everyone knows what that is), those are Rigid Gas Permeable lenses, otherwise known as shards of glass you are sticking right in your fucking eye. These soft ones are much more comfortable, and now I don’t have to worry about getting cum on my glasses anymore! By the way, I now refer to my glasses as my “Big Contacts.”

New Dokka!

So I’ve recently been going to see a new psychiatrist/shrink/quack. He’s been doing a nice job psychoanalyzing me and giving me new meds, like Cymbalta. He helped inspire me to quit the herbos. I like him a lot, especially because he’s kind of a nutcase himself. I guess it takes one to know one. I hope he doesn’t read this, but I am going to give him the web address. Anyway, he’s a nice guy. A real nigga.

Comedy!

Still doing it, still working on it, still bombing sometimes, still killing other times, still not moving forward that much, so stop fucking asking!

iPod!

I have a fucking iPod now that works wonders! I love it I love it I love it! Did I mention I love it? So stop fucking asking!

Job!

I’m fucking permanent now! Holy fucking horseshit! That’s why I haven’t been posting my blog though. They look at my internet and see what websites I’m going to, and I, for some reason, think that this blog would be inappropriate.

Girlfriend!

She hasn't figured out that I'm a loser yet, so she's still around! Yay! I love her I love her I lover her! She's the bestest and the biggest boobest!

For Christ's Sake, Enough Already!

I think that’s enough for today and for the last few days. So, enjoy it, you douchebags!

Seacrest Out