Archived Blog Mar 16 2007

Friday, March 16, 2007

What Another Guess Survey?! I mean, Guess What? Another Survey!

ONE - Spell your name without an E,S,H,I,M,A:
Don't think so. Do it yourself.

TWO - Are you single?
I'm not married, but I do have a girlfriend. So, on forms, I'm single, but to all you ladies out there who are drooling over my member, sorry, I'm taken. Now get your mouths offa my cock!

THREE - What's your favorite number?
I don't have a favorite number, because that concept is utterly retarded. There are infinite numbers. What if my favorite number is 1.4158939? Or what if it's three hundred billion? What does that say about me? Nothing, you idiot! However, as a mathematician, I'd might as well supply an answer. My favorite number would be i which is the square root of -1. So suck on that, fuckdick!

FOUR - Favorite color?
Aryan White

FIVE - Least favorite color?
Black people.

SIX - What are you listening to?
I don't know! Are you assuming I have headphones on right now? What the fuck is wrong with these stupid surveys? Yeah, I wear headphones twenty-four seven, and I'm always listening to music. Especially when I shower. Damn, i'm so pissed!

SEVEN - Sins?
What about them? Is this just because the number is seven? Fuck that and fuck you! Yeah, sins are cool, I guess.

EIGHT - Are you happy with your life right now?
What the fuck do you think? Kiss my ass and suck my dick. Not necessarily in that order and not necessarily separately.

NINE - brand of computer?
Again, this is not a question. Let me ask you a question: time of day? Well, answer the question, dickhead! Answer it Goddamnit!

TEN - what was/is your favorite subject in school?Highschool or college?
Either or, I'd have to say it was whatever subject I got an A in.

ELEVEN - Do you shop at hollister/abercrombie/AE/areopostale?
Sorry, asshole. I have a soul.

TWELVE - How do you make money?:
Various ways: I temp at a wall street law firm. I steel animals from zoos and then sell them on the black market. Same with babies. I grave-rob. I suck men off in bathrooms. And of course, old fashioned mugging.

THIRTEEN - Where did you graduate from?
The University of Chicago, which is only an hour from the actual Hamburger University owned by McDonalds.

FOURTEEN - Are you outgoing?
I used to be but then I got a girlfriend.

FIFTEEN - One word to describe you?
Nutty

SIXTEEN - Do you like Mac?
What the fuck does this question even mean? Computers? Culkin? Aroni? Goddamnit! Subject then predicate! Speak English!

SEVENTEEN- Do you own big sunglasses?
No, sorry, I'm not a dumb whore. (Sorry, Adie!)

EIGHTEEN- Where do you wish you were right now?
The sweet embrace of death would be nice. Or aspen. That would be cool too.

NINETEEN - What should you be doing right now?
Filling out myspace surveys. Oh. Holy shit! I am! Sweet!

TWENTY - Do you have a crush on anyone right now?
My girlfriend, Adie Foster, and of course Osama bin Laden. He's dreamy.

THE CANS:

Can you blow a bubble?:
I once blew a guy named bubble.

Can you dance?
Only with the stars.

Can you do a cart wheel?:
Only with a dead hobo's severed penis in my ass.

Can you touch your toes?:
Yeah, who can't? What, am I a fucking retard? Or did you mean "can you touch your toes without bending your knees?" In that case, I can't do that you nazi fuck!

Can you whistle?
Yeah, but my brother can't. He's a retard. Neither can my girlfriend.

Can you wiggle your ears?:
Only with a dead hobo's severed penis in my mouth.

Can you wiggle your nose?
No. Enough with these questions.

Can you roll your tongue?:
Only with my cock in the neck-hold of a decapitated hobo corpse.

THE DIDS:

Did you ever want to be a doctor?:
Sigh. Yes. Now fuck off, dick fuck.

a fire fighter?:
Sorry, dying in 9/11 is not my idea of fun.

THE DO'S:

Do you believe in God?:
No! God is for retards.

Do you know how to swim?:
Yupsy doodles!

Do you like roller coasters?:
Fuck yeah fuck shitter!

Do you own a bike?:
Nope.

Do you think you could be on those reality shows?:
No, I don't think I'm qualified to be a no-talent, star-fucking douchebag.

Does hair loss run through your family?:
Nope! It's all mine! Choke on that shit, Patrick Stewart!

Does your car get good gas mileage?:
I don't have a car you buttfucking moron.

Does your family have family picnics?:
No, because I live in modern times, not the fifties.

THE HAVES:

Have you ever been to the ocean?:
Oh my god this survey is so retarded. The existence of this survey, to me, proves that god does not exist. How could he when people come up with idiotic questions such as these?

have you ever gone fishing?:
Only for poon. Oh, and a few times for fish.

THE HOWS:

How did you find out about Myspace?:
I read about it in an ancient script and then hired a team of researchers to go down to argentina and see if we could dig up the eons-old remains of the society that first used myspace. Most of my group was killed by militants, but I was able to fend them off with one of their own machine guns that I had obtained after snapping the poor soldier's neck. While I was fighting them off, I found the evidence of myspace. And that's the story. Oh, wait, I found out about it because it's fucking ubiquitous in popular culture you stupid piece of shit! How did you find out about TV? How did you find out about air?

How many of your friends on it have you seen?
What the fuck does that mean? Seen? You're so stupid! I can't handle it.

how much money do you have on you?
I think nine dollars.

THE LASTS:

Last person you hung out with?:
Adie

Last thing you said out loud?
"Die Hobo!"

Last thing someone said to you?
"Don't kill me, I'm just a harmless hobo!"

THE WHATS:

What is the temperature outside?:
I think around 37 degrees farenheit and suck my cock degrees celscius.

What was the last restaurant you ate at?:
Awash

the last thing you bought?:
Diet Coke from the machine

What was the last thing you had to drink?:
A redbull, asshole.

What was the last thing you watched?
My life waste away as I filled out this survey

THE WHOS:

Who is your newest friend you added to Myspace?:
Some asshole.

Who talked to you on the phone last?:
Some bitch in the Lincoln Nebraska Correctional Facility Medical Record Center

the last person you took a picture of?:
A dog who was sitting in the front seat of a car. It was hilarious!

Who was the last person to leave you a comment:
I don't know. Some bitch.

CRYING SECTION:

Ever really cried your heart out?
Yeah, I cried so hard once that my heart came out of my tear ducts. I immediately went into cardiac arrest and was taken to the hospital. Then my head exploded. After some antibiotics, I was fine.

cried yourself to sleep?
No one does that.

Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?
If by shoulder you mean erect penis, then yes.

Ever cried over the opposite sex?
That's the only thing I cry over.

Do you cry when you get an injury?
Only before I was eight, then two years ago when I had extreme sinus pain. I wish that weren't true.

Do certain songs make you cry?
Les Mis, you fucking nazi!

Do certain movies make you cry?
Gay Porno.

HAPPY SECTION:

What makes you happy?
My girlfriend, weed, TV, writing, being done with shit, other people's misery.

Do you wish you were happier?
No, I wish I was sadder you imbecile.

Is being happy overrated?
God you are so stupid.

Can music make you happy?
I hate you. Are you retarded? Seriously, are you?

LOVE SECTION:

How many times have you had your heart broken?
A few. I'm a sensitive pussy.

HATE SECTION:

Do you actually hate anyone?:
So many!

Ever made a hit list?
No, that would leave evidence.

Have you ever been on a hit list?
Oh, I'm definitely sure.

Are you a mean bully?
Who would answer "yes" to this question? I only bully verbally.

SELF ESTEEM SECTION:

Is your self esteem really low?
Depends on what aspect of my personality.

do u believe in yourself?:
No, I don't exist.

Do you wish you could be someone else?:
I wish I could have Brad Pitt's body, Oprah's money, Chris Rock's career, and my brain.

LOOK AT ME:

What is your current hair color?:
Currently it's dirty blonde.

Current piercings?
I have an industrial piercing in my left ear. I'm not gay!

Have any tattoos?
Well, I'm not a douchebag, so no.

Straight hair or curly?
Straight on head, curly on asscrack and balls.

CURRENTLY WEARING:

What color of shirt are you wearing?
Nothing

Pants?
No thank you.

Shoes?:
High Heels

Necklaces?
Pearl (that means cum!)

HAVE YOU EVER:

Hugged someone?
No, I'm a quadriplegic

talked on the phone until the sun came up?
Yes

laughed so hard you peed in your pants?
No, but I've laughed so hard I started farting a lot

THE LAST:

Person you talked to in person?
Young

Time you had a shower?
Still waiting on that first time

Do you like surveys?
I HATE them!

What kind of shampoo do you use?
See my shower answer

Do you have mental breakdowns?
Constatnly

CURRENT:

Current mood:
Uninspired, Anxious, and Depressed

current hair style:
Newscaster Chic

Current crush:
Osama bin Laden, then my girlfriend

Current desktop picture:
A guy with a dick in his own ass

Don't forget to post a comment stating whether your earlobes are attached or unattached! Thanks.

What?