Archived Blog Dec 21 2006

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Dye Eek!

This is a survey aimed towards lesbians. I couldn't resist.

1. Are you more femme or more butch?
I'm femme all the way, baby. Where all my femmes at? Femmes 4 life!

2. Do you like bi girls?
Only if they're being straight at the time and they want to have sex with me, which is pretty much never, so no, I don't really like them.

3. Are you a good kisser?
Why don't you ask my girlfriend's clit?

4. What's your favorite thing about girls?
They have holes.

5. Least fav. thing about girls?
Some of the aforementioned holes are smelly.

6. Do you play softball?
Nah, I'm not a lesbian.

7. Which would you prefer beach or movie?
I fucking hate the fucking beach! Why is this a lesbian specific question?

8. Do you like to make the first move?
I have to, I'm the guy.

9. How many times have you been asked "how do 2 girls have sex?"
I'm not a goddamned dyke! Stop assuming that I am! It's offensive.

10. Have you been asked "are you the girl or guy in the relationship"?
Oh god, every day. I'm the girl, ok?

11. Do your parents know?
Know what? That I'm a straight male who likes to fuck chicks? Yeah, they know that.

12. Their first reaction?
"What are you doing out of the basement?"

13. Nike...Adidas...kswiss...puma?
I go barefoot, always.

14. Have you ever proposed to a girlfriend?
I've proposed that we have anal, but she said no.

15. Have you ever been cheated on?
Yes. Again, this is not a lesbian specific question.

17. What's your favorite color?
Chris Rock. Oh, I thought you said "colored."

18. Do you do any drugs or drink?
Oh god, yes.

19. Do you have any piercing?
Both of my clits, two of my cocks, and all eight of my nipples.

20. Do you ever get called by your last name or some random nickname?
Does "jew" count as a nickname? It does? Oh, then yes.

21. Do you like T.a.T.U. even though they're "fake" lesbians?
I don't like T.a.T.U. period.

22. What do you like about the person who posted this b4 u?
She's a sweetheart. Hi Angie!

23. Do you know at least one lesbian that sings and plays guitar at a local coffee shop?
Question… too… specific. Can't… think… of… funny…. Answer…

24. Have you ever seen Bound?
I ain't no dyke!

25. Lost and Delirious?
Uh, was that movie in theaters?

26. Better than Chocolate?
Damnit, I wish I was a lesbo.

27. Giver or taker?
I'm a giver. I give disappointment.

28. What stresses you out?
Goddamn near everything.

29. Favorite love movie?
Saving Private Ryan.

30. What do u think is better than chocolate?
Having a penis.

31. who was your first kiss?
Slutty Spanish exchange student named Violetta.

32. What year did you realize you were gay?
What? I ain't no queer! Back off, man! I'm scared of gay people. I'm not gay!.

33. Who's your favorite famous lesbian?
Jesus..

34. Do you love Angelina Jolie, Toni Braxton?
Are they going out, or something? I wouldn't say "love," but I do want to fuck them both.

35. Do you own a pair of cargo shorts?
Sorry, I'm not that much of a loser.

36. Polo shirts?
A fuckload..

37. Admit it, do you pop your collar?
I'll admit that this question is retarded.

38. Do you love basketball shorts?
I'm indifferent.

39. Ever wear boxers?
Yeah, I'm a dude!

40. Do you wear make up?
Only when I get in drag, which is everyday, so yes, constantly.

41. Have you ever given someone flowers?
Yuppers.

42. Wrote a poem or song for one?
Ugh! Damnit! Yes I have.

43. Had a girl give you flowers or write a poem?
No, but once I found some shitty poetry in the pocket of a hobo I had recently stabbed to death.

44. What do you love about your body?
The brain, I'd say.

45. What do you love about a girl's body?
Titties! Biggies titties! Tits! Tits! Tits! Tits! Titty titty titty! Yay titties!