Archived Blog Dec 21 2006

Thursday, December 21, 2006

This Survey Was Worse Than Eating Shit

This survey was found as is, written by a moron who can't count.

EIGHT last's:

8. last cigarette:
No comment.

7. last beverage:
I stopped at the stables this morning for some fresh-squeezed horse semen.

6. last phone call:
Oh, this guy called me and Rene Russo and told me that he had kidnapped my child, so I said "Gimme back my son!" Oh wait, that wasn't me. That was Mel Gibson. Nevermind.

5. last text message:
Some mushy bullshit from the GF.

4. last CD played:
Monster Cocks. Oh wait, that's a DVD.

3. last BUBBLE bath:
Last night. I lit some scented candles, put bubbles in the bath, put on some Yanni, then I fingered the fuck out of my twat!

2. last time you cried:
I'm crying right now.

1. last meal:
Horse semen! Learn to read!

7. have you ever dated someone twice:
Nope. When I stop dating someone the first time, it's devastating.

6. have you ever been cheated on?:
Oh yeah.

5. have you ever kissed someone & regretted it?:
I live a life with no regrets. That being said, yes.

4. have you ever fallen in love?:
Hell yeah, motherfucker!

3. have you ever lost someone?:
Yeah, there was this hobo last night who was dying because I was beating him to death. When I realized that, I tried to bring him back by beating him some more, but it was no good. He will be missed.

2. have you ever been depressed:
No! Oh wait, I've been diagnosed with clinical depression.

1. have you ever been drunk and threw up:
I only throw up when I'm high. Also, after meals.

SIX things you did in the past three days:

1. Went to school:
No, I'm a grown up.

2. Went to work:
Where the fuck do you think I am now?

3. Colored:
Considering I'm not in kindergarten, no.

5. Got drunk:
I had some drinks.

6. Slept:
Are you a fucking idiot?

list FOUR people you can tell pretty much anything to --

Satan

Hitler's ghost

Osama bin Laden

Did I mention Satan?

list THREE favorite colors.

Off-white, mother-of-pearl, bone.

list TWO things you want to do before you die

Live 1000 years.

Have sex with a celebrity's corpse.

This month have you...

Made a new friend:
Sure, why not?

Fallen out of love:
Never!

Laughed until you cried:
Who the fuck does that?

Went behind your parents back:
I'm a fucking adult, you dipshit.

Met someone who changed your life?:
How the fuck would I know if my life changed in a month

Gotten close to someone:
I've gotten inside of someone.

Found out who your true friends were:
What the fuck does this even mean? Was this survey written by one of those dickheads on laguna beach?

What do you think of:

1. breaks:
They stop cars from hitting me.

2. Gay Marriage?:
Oh, I really couldn't, but thanks for the offer.

3. Lowering the drinking age?:
Yeah, let's get teenagers drunk. That's a good idea.

4. Straight, BI or gay?
I beat the shit out of them all equally.

5. Who is the best hugger that you know?:
This question is inconsistent with the previous four. The best hugger? I don't know. Some guy.

6. Do you believe in love at first sight:
Sure, why not?

7. Is there something you want to tell someone:
I want to tell the writer of this survey that they should seriously consider a brutal suicide.

8. What brand of shirt are you wearing?
Fuck you.

9. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?
My first friend is my girlfriend. So what the fuck do you think?

10. How many people on your top friends do you know in real life?:
Who gives a fuck?

11. How many kids do you want to have?
Argh!! I'm not in high school!

12. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Yeah, and again, I'm not in highschool.

13. Do you wanna change your name?
These questions just get dumber and dumber. Now I'm fucking livid.

14. What did you do for your last birthday?
Got high. Next?

15. What time did you wake up today?
Who the fuck cares, goddamnit?!

16. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Watching TV with the GF.

17. Name something you CANNOT wait to do:
Murder my next hobo.

18. Last time you saw your father?:
He's dead.

19. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?:
I would try to make it less perfect. Suck my balls.

20. Which hand do you like better?
I am about to put my head through this fucking monitor.

21.What are you listening to right now?
Do I have to be listening to music all the fucking time? Get a goddamn life!

22.Have you ever talked to Tom?
Again, suck my big fat hairy balls.

23. Have you ever donated money to a good cause?
I'm the best cause I can think of.

24. Have you ever went to a angels game?
What? What kind of stupid shit is this? This survey gets dumber with every fucking question.

25. What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from anyone?
I don't borrow clothes, dipshit.

26. Who's getting on your nerves right now?
The writer of this survey.

27. Most visited web page?
www.gianthorsecockscummingonmyface.com

29.Coke or Pepsi?
Shut up.

30. Do you have a crush?
God fucking damnit! Fuck you! Fuck you! I have a fucking girlfriend! Holy shit!

31. Have you kissed or been kissed by anyone you never though you would?:
Some bitch.

33. Do you think there's some models/people out there that should gain a couple pounds?
This survey was clearly written by some dumb fucking highschool cunt with low self esteem. The answer is no. All supermodels are fat, even the anorexic ones. They could all stand to lose at least 20 pounds.

34. Do you enjoy your friendship with your friends?:
No, I hate my friendship with my friends. What the fuck do you think?