Archived Blog April 2 2005

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Here we are, born to be pope

Hey guys: Makeen (biggest fan), Moez (x-biggest fan), Jon, Maggie, Angela, Azubah, Patrick, Becky, Brother, Mother, Father, Hitler.I am back from Amsterdam, and I had a great time. I probably shouldn't dwell on my activities over there, but let's just say that I didn't break the law. But first, the news!

NEWS:

In Makeen's blog (http://shaquille.blogspot.com) he said that he was suspicious about the death of terri shaivo and then the upcoming death of the pope. What he doesn't know is that the pope is a reverse highlander. In the highlander movie and show, when a highlander kills another, they absorb that victim's power. The pope, however, is a reverse highlander. When he kills someone, he loses power. That is why he is very close to death right now. I'm not saying he killed terri shaivo, but where was he when she died? That's right. He's got no alibi. Now, I am as sad as the next guy about the pope, if and only if the next guy is my clone, but I understand how sad this whole situation can be. What I don't understand is the coverage. As of right now, there are constant camera's on the pope's apartment in the Vatican. The problem is, when he eventually does die (most likely by the time you read this) the camera's are going to be recording the same thing. Just because something is going on over there doesn't mean that there needs to be a visual feed, you dumbass news channels. Leave the pope's apartment alone. I just hope the next pope isn't a white catholic male. I would love a black Jewish he-she, but whatever.

Elsewhere in the news, it seems that they have found intact Tyrannosaurus DNA. Almost immediately after the discovery, there was a press release stating that there were absolutely no plans to clone it. I think this is a huge mistake. I would like to start a group of like-minded people who know that not-cloning a t-Rex is an act of terrorism. We must clone it, damnit! I want to see a dinosaur.

And, of course, RIP Mitch Hedburg and Johnny Cochran, and of course, a premature RIP for the Pizope.

ENTERTAINMENT:

I just saw sin-city. Unlike the rest of you chumps, I had already read the graphic novels years ago. The movie was awesome, especially because it had a detailed scene in which one character rips off the balls of another with his bare hands. Go see it, or I will do what was just described to you.

TWO SELECTED AMSTERDAM STORIES:

I went to the Vincent van-Gogh museum and learned a very interesting fact. I will reveal it slowly. Vincent van-Gogh killed himself. That's not the interesting fact. Vincent van-Gogh killed himself by shooting himself. Again, that's not the interesting part of the fact. Vincent van-Gogh killed himself by shooting himself in the chest. Again, still not the most interesting part. Vincent van-Gogh killed himself by shooting himself in the chest and died two days later. Bam! That's the interesting part. How are you going to die two days later after shooting yourself. Haven't you ever heard of shooting yourself again? Did you only have one bullet? Why didn't you shoot yourself in the head? God, van-Gogh was a dumbass. Good artist, but a dumbass.

When I traveled on the train between two cities in the Netherlands, I had to use the bathroom. I did so, and left quite a mess in the toilet. Being a good Samaritan, I decided to flush it, and just for kicks, watched the ordeal go down. I started my little usage of the toilet while the train was moving, but when I flushed it, we were stopped at the station. As I watched my digested food get flushed, I was horrified to see that a flap opened out of the bottom of the train and dumped it (pun intended) right on the tracks. Right on the tracks! We were stopped at a station. All I can say is that I feel sorry for the people that were still standing on the platform after the train left. There was a big surprise for them there.

That's all for now, more later!