Archived Blog Oct 4 2006

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

This time, a survey! Yay! Hail Satan!
Current mood: sick
Category: Quiz/Survey


What's the story behind your MySpace song?
The story is that I'm not a fucking douchebag, so I don't have a MySpace song. Was that a good enough story for you, you fucking nitwit?

2. What month were you born in?

June, the purest month. All other months must be eradicated.

3. Where do you live?

Harlem, where I'm needed.

4. What's in your wallet?

Federal Breast Inspector card.

Owl Wallet Light.

Several Saddam dinars.

Mucus.

The antidote.

5. Dream car:
A large back-hoe. Those things are awesome.

or

An RV! Those things are awesome.


6. What type of jewelry do you wear?
I am not a homosexual, goddamnit.

That being said, I have an industrial piercing. It is surgical stainless steel, the finest in the land.


7. What type of underwear do you wear?
A pink, lace, Victoria's Secret thong with a vibrator on the inside. Sometimes, instead of the vibrator, I use metal spikes.


8. What's your favorite book?

Where's Waldo

or

The Idiot's Guide to Murdering Hobos

9. What's your favorite movie?
Pornography: pick one.

or

I Killed a Hobo: A Killentific Hobomentary


10. What are wearing?
Oh! You're turning me on. I'm wearing an oversized foxy lady t-shirt. Underneath is a bra made out of two other bras. The left breast is an A-cup, the right is a C-cup. My underwear is basically toilet paper that is still stuck to me, and I'm wearing cut-off tuxedo pants. On my feet: shoe boxes. Are you hard now?


11. What are you wanting?

Besides no one to find that mangled hobo-corpse I deposited last night? Well, I want world peace. Just kidding. Fame and money will do just fine. Also, a six-pack would be nice.

12. The last thing you ate?

Besides the sweet nectar that is the flesh of a rotting hobo-corpse? A frozen semen-popsicle.

13. Something you are afraid of:
Besides not ever being able to kill a hobo again? I'm afraid of little school-girls.

14. Do you like candles?
Only when I'm cramming them into my poop-chute.


15. Do you believe in love?
Well, I love slaying homeless men.

16. Do you believe in sole mates?
First of all, shoes always come in two.
Second of all, fish fuck.

Third of all, I always thought it was a "soul-mate." But I think that "Sole-mate" makes more sense, don't you?

Fourth of all, suck my fucking cock!

17. Do you sleep naked?
What am I, a fetus?

18. Did you do well in school?

I'm smart, asshole. I didn't do well because I didn't feel like it. Not because I couldn't. Why don't you go fuck a dick?

19. Do you consider yourself a Democrat or a Republican?
Democrat. Republicans are evil pieces of shit that should be punished for their beliefs by being strapped to a rocket and fired into the sun.

20. Do you like tattoos?
Why would I like the stupidest thing ever?


21. What's something you wish you could understand better?
Nothing. I understand everything perfectly.


22. What's your take on Global Warming?

It's getting colder these days, so clearly, Global Warming is bullshit.


23. Do you have a bf/gf?

Like, a she-male? Seriously though, I have a girlfriend. Fuck you!

24. Got any plans for the weekend?
I gotta go to Coney Island on Saturday. On the other days, I need to get my life together.


25. Who do you most miss?
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi

This question is dumb.


26. What does your MySpace headline mean?
It means I'm not gay, faggot!


27. Elaborate on your default photo:

Even I don't give a fuck about my default photo. Get some hobbies, cockmaster.

28. Who is the first person on your top 8?
Jon Douglas. He's a queer.


29. What's your relationship with the people in your top 4?
Some are sexual, some go on hobo hunts.


30. What's your opinion of President Bush?
I don't think he's as dumb as every other dumbass thinks he is. He's certainly not a good president. But, he has never come down against hobo-murder.


31. What's your favorite country?
What the fuck do you think? USA! Second is the Netherlands. You can smoke weed legally there.


32. What's your favorite drink?
Three way tie between semen, urine, and blood.


33. What's your favorite food?

Besides the sweet, sweet flesh of a recently deceased bum?

Cheese fries.

34. Are you musically inclined?
Hell yeah, I am.

35. Which shoe goes on first?
Even if I knew the answer to this question, who the fuck could possibly care?

36. If you could go back in time, and change something....

Oh, you think you're so clever with the time travel question, don't you? Well, traveling back in time to change something would require that the future from that point play out such that you need to go back in time to change it. Otherwise, you would have no reason to go back and change it. That is, events in the past must lead up to your urge to change the past, thus, if you had changed the past, it would already be history, and the change would have already been made, and therefore, you wouldn't have to go back in time to change it. Therefore we have a paradox. Furthermore, quantum physics forbids it. So, chew on that, motherfucker!

37. Ever have a near death experience?

My whole fucking life is a near-death experience.

38. Name an obvious quality you have?

Big-cockitude.

39. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?

What? Are you implying that most people have songs stuck in their heads every waking second? 'Cause they don't. You should get that checked out, because it is most likely a brain tumor.

40. Favorite female celebrity:
Amy Sedaris is cool. Otherwise, this question is just as stupid as having a favorite female celebrity.


41. Favorite male celebrity:
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. This question is also stupid.

42. Name someone with the same birthday as you:
God


43. Do you have a crush on someone:
No, I just wanna fuck people.


44. Have you ever vandalized someone's private property?
Hell yeah, bitch!

45. Been in a fight?
Does ruthlessly and brutally murdering a hobo count as a fight?


46. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?

Whatever… this survey is tiresome.

47. What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?
TITTIES! TITTIES! TITTIES!


48. What do you usually order from Starbucks

Don't fucking assume I go to Starbucks, dickhead. God, you are such an asshole. I hope you die alone and painfully.

49. Say something totally random about you?

Here's something totally random: Suck my balls.

50. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?

The Culkins, Harry Potter, James Spader, Mr. Ed: Take your pick.

51. How old are you?
What a fucking stupid question. It's on my myspace page, you fucking imbecile.

52. Do you wear a watch?
Nope, gotta cell phone.


53. Do you have anything pierced?
My ear, goddamnit!

54. Do you have any tattoos?
No, they're retarded.

55. Do you like pain?
No one likes pain by definition! Pain is synonymous with suffering. Suffering is being in a situation that is not pleasurable, that you don't like. So, if I liked pain, it wouldn't be pain, now would it? God damn, you are so fucking stupid it blows my fucking mind.


56. Do you like to shop?
Sometimes.


57. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
Drugs.


58. What was the last thing you paid for with a credit card?
Drugs.


59. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
Some receptionist cunt at my doctor's office.

60. What is on your desktop background?
A picture of my house. Fuck you!


61. Do you like redheads?
If they have vaginas, I do.


62. Do you know any twins?

Yeah, my balls.

63. Do you have any weird relatives?
What the fuck does this even mean? Goddamnit.


64. What was the last movie you watched?
The last three I watched were: half of alien versus predator, half of Friday the 13th six, and all of jackass two. All oscar winners.


65. What was the last book you read?
Please, enough with the questions. Just stop already.


66. Did you or do you go to college?
University of Chicago. What did I just say? No more questions!

67. What is your favorite pair of pants that you own?
Argh!! Some jeans, I don't know.


68. What is your favorite day of the week?
Listen, asshole, I don't have a favorite for every possible category. I don't have a favorite dog breed, I don't have a favorite knife manufacturer, I don't have a favorite pair of shoes, and I don't have a fucking favorite day of the fucking week!


69. What are you going to do after you answer this question?

Slit my fucking wrists.