Archived Blog Sept 28 2006

Thursday, September 28, 2006
A survey! Hooray for change! Jew balls!
Current mood: Anti-semitic
Category: Anti-semitic
Quiz/Survey body:

The Dirty Thirty... 30 unknown facts/secrets about yourself:

1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship?
Shallow grave

2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
I pay Asian women to do that.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
Worshipping Satan.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Worshipping Satan.

5. Are you any good at math?
Better than you are, asshole.

6. Your prom night?
Well, I took this semi-attractive hobo, but she thought she was better than me. Needless to say, I ended the night by losing my virginity to a German Shepard.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
I'm Jewish, so, I don't know, what about… uhhh… Jesus! Motherfucker.

8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?
I've only ever taken a loan out to pay for sex.

9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
If I did, that would mean that I'd be a stupid asshole who puts a song on my myspace page. I resent the implication. Fuck you, bitch.

10. Last thing received in the mail?
Hobo Homicide Monthly

11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
If you count semen and urine, then two.

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines?
Fuck that. I don't talk to robots.

13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
Technically, third eye blind. But I lost my concert anal virginity to Billy Joel. He has a huge concert cock.

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Only when I have Down's Syndrome.

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
When I brushed my teeth this morning. It turned out I was using a lemon zester instead of my toothbrush. Silly me!

16. What is out your back door?
The FBI. They listen to everything I say. Oh wait, I don't have a backdoor, assfuck.

17. Any plans for Friday night?
Friend's birthday party then some relaxing hobo murders.

18. Do you like the ocean?
That's gay.

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas?
I don't live in a fucking Norman Rockwell painting, dickhead.

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Hell yeah, playa!

22. Something you are excited about?
The feeling you get when you see the surprise on the hobo's face when you pull your knife out.

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
Goddamn, that's a gay question.

24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
I was created in a laboratory.

25. Describe your keychain:
A fucking metal circle. This is the stupidest survey I have ever wasted my time on.

26. Where do you keep your change?
Up my ass, you penis-licking lesbian.

27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
Last Wednesday. I bombed like the israeli airforce.

28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
What the fuck? Who gives a shit?

29. What was the weather like on your graduation?
It was retarded, much like this survey.

30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Closed. I'm not a goddamned baby.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


THE UNCOMFORTABLE SURVEY.
(lets see if you can get through it. if not, you're too scared about your past)

-How many boyfriends/girlfriends have told YOU that THEY love you?
About seven of the girlfriends and all of the boyfriends.

-Have you ever thought that you were going to marry a person?:
Well, I'm not going to marry a monkey.

-Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?:
Yes, you fucking fag.

-Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?:
Haha. Oh yeah.

-Are you happier single or in a relationship?:
I am usually less miserable in a relationship, cocksucker.

-Have you ever been cheated on?:
Twice, dickballs.

-What is your favorite thing about the opposite sex?:
Titties!!!

-Have you ever had your heart broken?:
Yeah. Thanks for the memories, you shit-eating baby-raper.

-Have you ever broken someone's heart?:
Haha. Oh yeah.

-Talk to any of your exes?:
Like, at a séance or something?

-If you could go back in time and change things with any of your ex's would you?:
I'd make them all hotter.

-Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?:
I'm a good boyfriend, but an even better girlfriend.

-Have you dated people who were not good for you?:
Yes. I can't even think of a joke this survey is so goddamned stupid.

-Have you been in an abusive relationship?:
If a woman talks back to you, you have to push her down a flight of stairs. It's not abusive. I resent the implication.

-Have you dated someone older then you?:
No, every person I date was born at the exact same minute as me.

-Younger?:
See previous answer, cockslit.

-Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?:
Everyone except for Jewish people and Black people.

-Believe in love at first sight?:
I didn't until I saw your mother's hairy twat.

-Do you want to get married?:
You already asked this question you fucking moron.

-Do you have something to say to any of your exes?:
You're welcome.

-Ever stolen someone's boyfriend or girlfriend:
Yes, literally. It's called kidnapping.

-Ever liked someone's boyfriend or girlfriend?:
You're a fucking idiot.

-Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds?:
Oh my god, this was the stupidest, gayest survey I have ever taken. Fuck you for making me waste my time like this. I want it back!